WHO COULD BUY THE GOVERNMENT?

• Document Type: CREST
• Collection: General CIA Records
• Document Number (FOIA) /ESDN (CREST): CIA-RDP90-00965R000504100011-3
• Release Decision: RIPPUB
• Original Classification: K
• Document Page Count: 1
• Document Creation Date: December 22, 2016
• Document Release Date: February 27, 2012
• Sequence Number: 11
• Publication Date: January 2, 1986
• Content Type: OPEN SOURCE

Declassified in Part - Sanitized Copy Approved for Release 2012/02/28: CIA-RDP90-00965R000504100011-3
WASHINGTON POST
2 January 1986
1 MARY MCGRORY
Who Could Buy the Government?
W anna buy a used government
agency?
You may be able to in 1986.
The president has in mind the
"privatizing" of the government, which
means selling it, and as a first step the
administration talked about putting the
Federal Housing Administration up for
bid.
According to a budget draft proposal,
the buyer would get the whole thing,
"including assets and liabilities."
Maybe that's just the beginning.
A lot of us would like to get our hands
on a big government department and
straighten it out or get it off our backs.
Trouble is, who can afford one? The
Saudis, the defense contractors and an
odd lottery winner or two are about the
only people rich enough to swing a
hostile takeover of the Pentagon. Will
other nationalities be eligible buyers?
These are details that have to be
worked out.
We mustn't be petty. Imagine how
this could simplify Christmas giving. For
the man who has everything: 10,000
bureaucrats and a building big enough
for a Grateful Dead concert.
The farmers are too poor to capture
the U.S. Department of Agriculture,
which they probably wish to do now
more than ever since they heard on
New Year's Day that it is about to start
notifying delinquent farmers that they
must try to get their finances in order
or face foreclosure. Maybe they could
pay in surplus grain.
Ask yourself the asking price for the
IRS, which of all departments might
tempt the average taxpayer to take a
flier. It might go for a bargain price. Its
computers are worthless-they
mangled millions of returns last year. A
number of rich people would like to buy
it just to close it down.
Others might settle for an installation
of a "multiple-choice" return, allowing
taxpayers to pick and choose what items
their money is to be used for. For
instance, you check schools, roads and
streetlights and put an X in the box next
to aid to the contras or loans to Chile.
Such a system could lead to a more
contented citizenry. It might also kill off
some bad policies. The corporations
who don't pay any taxes are perhaps the
people wealthy enough to buy the whole
package. Still they might be willing to
rent out various departments to less
affluent, but equally vengeful elements.
It's worth thinking about.
I would think the Arms Control and
Disarmament Agency would go for a
song, or maybe nothing, on the basis of
its performance rating. Anyone'around
here seen any arms control and
disarmament in the past five years?
I assume that Congress would be put
on the block, too, although, come to
think of it, it may have been bought and
paid for already. The PACS, you know.
They spend big bucks, and they get a
good return on their investment.
The Energy Department could
produce spirited bidding. It does some
nuclear weapons work. Maybe some
outfit like Beyond War, the richest and
toniest of peace groups, could pass the
hat and buy the nukes-for dumping
purposes only, of course.
I don't see much action around the
Department of Health and Human
Services. It's just not a winner for the
likely investor. Its clientele is terribly
draining: the old (Social Security), the
poor (welfare), the unwashed (the
homeless). No, HHS might not make it
in the marketplace. On the other hand,
if those souls who keep telling us about
the parasites, welfare cheats and
willfully unemployed had a fund-raiser,
Ronald Reagan might go and rake in a
few billion for the cause of making the
dispossessed Pull Up Their Socks.
The Justice Department might set
hands reaching for wallets. There are
those who would take out a second
mortgage or their life savings for the
pleasure of sacking the attorney
general. Many a Harvard Law professor
is probably even now fantasizing the
farewell interview: "Mr. Meese, why
don't you resign and spend more time
with the Constitution? That was our
original intent in buying this heap."
The same impulse might start a drive
to buy the Education Department.
Public school system devotees would die
to pink-slip Secretary William J.
Bennett, who rattles the tambourine for
private schools. On the other hand, the
people with the bucks may think "Tom
Sawyer" is a dirty book and want to ice
the hot stuff in "Romeo and Juliet "
I think the CIA would get a good
price. Polvstrap - anciers an invisible
ink-collectors would covet it. So would
the wimps who want to shut it down.
Again, though, there are the new
patriots who would like to bring back
the rack and thumbscrews for leakers
and lob grenades into the Kremlin
men's room.
Maybe, on second thought, we should
not sell the government. You can't be
sure who would want to buy it.
Declassified in Part - Sanitized Copy Approved for Release 2012/02/28: CIA-RDP90-00965R000504100011-3