NATIONAL WAR COLLEGE CLASS OF 1989

• Document Type: CREST
• Collection: General CIA Records
• Document Number (FOIA) /ESDN (CREST): CIA-RDP92G00017R001200350001-6
• Release Decision: RIFPUB
• Original Classification: K
• Document Page Count: 20
• Document Creation Date: December 23, 2016
• Document Release Date: January 16, 2014
• Sequence Number: 1
• Content Type: REPORT

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NATIONAL WAR COLLEGE
CLASS OF 1989
? BOOK OF PROVERBS,
JOKES, AND
OTHER COMMENTS
( WORTH REMEMBERING?)
compiled by: Ralph A. Cossa, Class Apothegmaticist
- not for attribution -
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GENERAL PROVERBS:
- If it's worth doing, it's worth doing superficially.
- Reminder from the Old Testament: "Jacob died while leaning on
his staff."
- It's not that things you know that get you, it's the things you
think you know but don't.
- It's wise to always make your words soft and sweet ... you
never know when you might have to eat them.
- After all is said and done, it's a good bet that a lot more
will be said than done.
- You've got to begin where you are.
- Bad news does not get better with age.
???
- Bad news travels downhill; gravity will not be denied.
- The best way to answer an embarrassing question is to tell the
truth ... if nothing else, it's easier to remember.
- In times like these, it's useful to remember that there have
always been times like these. (Paul Harvey)
- For a country to be great it can no longer merely be powerful.
- The Vietnam War was a holy cause to the right wing, which was
willing to do everything but fight in it.
-;It's an issue on which reasonable people can differ ... even
With themselves.
- Repeating an old theory does not necessarily make it correct.
- With the advent of TV coverage, war is no longer a half-
pregnant thing.
- If I hear it, I forget it; if I read it, I remember it; if I
do it, I understand it.
- Listen more and talk less ... no one ever learned anything by
talking.
- Power corrupts, but the loss of power corrupts absolutely.
- Men learn from their mistakes how to make new ones.
- What counts most about success is how one achieves it.
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- Just because you have the right to do something doesn't mean
it's right to do it!
- We tend to discount tomorrow's disasters for the sake of
today's inconveniences.
- You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
- Growing old takes courage.
- The problem with common sense is that it's not very common.
- If you want to find out what's really going on in America, hang
out at 7-11.
- If you can't explain it well enough for the American people to
support it, don't do it.
- When you're really not sure what you're supposed to do, do what
you're told to do.
- If you want to get in the last word, make it "Yes, Sir!"
- Habits are habits; you can't throw them out the window, you
have to coax them down the stairs one step at a time (Twain).
- When you buy a horse you get both ends. (Bush/Quayle?)
- The trouble with a rat race is that even if you win, you are
still a rat.
- A little flattery is a good thing, as long as you don't inhale
too deeply.
.4ge is not important unless you are a cheese. (Helen Hayes)
- Experience is a great advantage. The problem is that by the
time you get it you are too old to do anything with it.
- Reading about being kicked by a mule is not the same thing as
being kicked by a mule.
- If grasshoppers had machine guns, crows wouldn't mess with
them.
- There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the
interval.
- Reality is the leading cause of stress, but only among those
who are in touch with it.
- Good losers get a chance to do it often.
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.?
COMMENTS ABOUT GRAND STRATEGY/WAR/DETERRENCE:
- Grand strategy is not something you can only do if you speak
with a foreign accent.
- The threat to small nations is big nations; the threat to big
nations is complacency.
- In the nuclear ...age, alliances can increase your-danger' rather
than improve yolir security.
- Dorothy's first strategic insight: "This isn't Kansas anymore!"
- Lying and deception is not a justification for going to war.
It may be a reason for not inviting someone to dinner ... but, it
is not a reason for war.
- The biggest problem with a small war is that it gets too much
supervision.
e. ?
- The "fog of war" I can handle; it's the "fog of peacetime"
that's mind-boggling.
- The determination of US strategy has become a more or less
incidental by-product of the administrative process of the
defense budget. (Maxwell Taylor, 1960)
- At the Battle of Midway, the Holy Ghost, rather than skill and
daring, determined the outcome.
- God is not always on the side of the big battalions.
- Even at the end of time, when the lion lies down with the lamb,
tt.M lamb will not get much sleep.
- Deterrence only exists when the lion and the lamb sleep
together ... and you don't have to change the lamb each day.
- Deterrence is not a disease that we must somehow try to cure;
it's a strategy that has worked.
- The belief appears to be that the number of weapons needed for
deterrence is always 1.3n, with "n" being the number in our
current inventory.
-
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-- Korean War epitaph: to die for a tie.
-- The US is the only country still worried about Japanese
pacifism; everyone else is worried ab6ut Japanese militarism.
-- Japan: the world's largest stationary aircraft carrier.
-- Congress sti.:11'likes Thailand because they thini;fhat-Yul
Brynner is still its king.
- AFRICA:
-- Africa is a dagger pointed at the heart of Antarctica.
-- You can't buy an African state; but you can rent one by the
year.
- LATIN AMERICA:
???
-- Most popular Latin American sport: Elliot Abrams bashing!
-- There are as many Latin American peace plans as there are
"Rocky" sequels.
-- Cuba is too small a canvas for Castro to paint on.
-- Central America is like Dodge City.
-- US Panama policy: like setting your hair on fire and then
trying to put it out with a hammer.
--,What is the difference between (successful Peronist
residential candidate) Mennon and the Argentine Army?
Answer: About six months.
-- Latin American economies: perpetual inflation machines!
-- Mexicans say "Mexico is unique." The rest of Latin America
says "gracious and adios".
-- Mexicans believe the law should be implemented, but not
observed.
-- Mexico confirms the "dead hand of Spain" argument, i.e.,
everything that Spain reached out and touched died.
-- Previous Mexican government presided over a level of
corruption that was world class.
-- Mexico conducted an international survey on government
corruption which showed that Switzerland had the most corrupt
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-- The USSR is the only nation today that is surrounded by
hostile communist states.
-- The biggest threat posed by Gorbachev is that he will take our
threat away from us.
-- Where are the Russians when you need them? Instead of being
ten feet tall, they are turning out to be no taller ,than John
Tower.
-- Gorbachev, when asked by Bush to assess his own prospects for
success: "Even Jesus Christ couldn't answer that one!" (Yes, but
could Lenin?)
-- Question: "What's the difference between Gorbachev and
Dubcek?" Answer: "There isn't any ... but, Gorbachev doesn't
know it yet."
-- Question: "If Soviets and East Germans invaded Poland, who
would the Poles shoot first?" Answer: "The -Russians, because you
must put business before pleasure."
-- Soviet High Command: a bunch of cannon cockers and turret
heads.
-- Soviet WW II experience: a million casualties in 2 months
tends to make you a little gun shy.
-- New Soviet image: Blow-dried Bolsheviks.
-- Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Communism is
the reverse.
Communist worker's lament: We pretend to work and they pretend
to pay us. (denotes low real value of USSR/E. European currency)
-- Old Russian Proverb: You can make a Russian hold his tongue,
but you can't stop him from dragging his feet.
-- Old Russian Proverb: Dwell on the past and you will lose an
eye. Forget the past and you will lose both eyes.
-- A communist is like a crocodile ... when it opens its mouth
you can't tell if it's trying to smile or-preparing to eat you.
-- Question: "What's the difference between a Rumanian and a
Bulgarian?" Answer: "Either one would sell his mother, but the
Rumanian in the end would withhold delivery."
-- Bulgarians are the most peace-loving people in the world; they
don't even interfere in their own internal affairs.
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OPENING COMMENTS/INTRODUCTIONS:
- Story used to introduce ultraconservative: Karnak the
Magnificent will provide the question if you give him the answer.
The answer is "Attila the Hun, Genghis'Khan, and (guest
speaker)." The question: "Name two liberals and a conservative?"
-- Speaker's response: That intro confirms everythj,ng_my wife
has been sayinTz:about me.
- Moderator introducing his service chief: "This is going to be
tough!" Chief: "It just better be quick!"
- Thank you. Even my mother would have liked that introduction.
- Wish dad and mom were here to hear that intro: dad would have
liked it and mom would have believed it.
- That's the type intro I like to hear and my mother would have
believed.
- After an introduction like that, I can only disappoint you.
- As we were getting ready to walk in I heard a cheer and thought
we had been cancelled.
- I've been a student here myself; I know the attitude that
prevails.
- Thank you for that wonderful funeral oration.
- None of what he said was true.
-Good morning! That might be the only pleasant exchange we
have this morning.
- I've spoken here several times before and always enjoyed it
but, there's always a first time.
- I'm not so sure I'm glad to be here.
- I sometimes wonder why I do this.
- Thanks for the kind intro; it's just the way I wrote
- Thanks, I'm great to be here.
- I bring special greetings from my students; they are
I'm here today.
- I'll try to deviate from my schoolteacher background
be brief.
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it.
? ? ?
delighted
and try to
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- As the drunk said when his wife opened the door and he fell
flat on his face: "I have no prepared remarks but I will take
questions from the floor."
- Q&A COMMENTS:
-- I hope I do.et look dumb enough to answer that-cfirestian.
-- There are no indiscrete questions; only indiscrete answers.
-- I've kept my comments short so we can have a longer Q&A
session, to permit time for extended indiscretions.
-- Let's follow the rules of the US Senate during the Q&A
session; i.e., your questions don't have to be pertinent or
relevant to the topic at hand.
-- We can have a wide-ranging Q&A session dIrice I have opinions
on everything ... mostly uninformed.
-- I know there is a wealth of curiosity out there; or at least
there was when I arrived ... I hope I haven't killed it.
-- In a word, that's baloney! I would have used a two word
answer if we weren't in gentle company.
-- It's not necessary for me to comment on that, but I will.
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-- A JCS staff action represents the lowest common denominator of
indecision.
--Joint Staff: a bunch of eunuchs with. no real power.
- Dod reality: it's no longer raining nickels.
-- In terms of R&D, $1.4 million will not even get_ yOur pencils
-
sharpened in the pentagon.
-- Exotic Pentagon production requirement: "must be assembled by
virgins in moonlight"
- ABOUT WASHINGTON D.C.:
-- Washington is coup-proof. Any time two people get together to
discuss something secret, one of them will leak.
-- Washington is no Dodge City. (D.C. Mayor Barry)
--- Dodge City Mayor's response: "Washington D.C. would be a much
better place if it paralleled our city. Even in our wildest
days, I doubt if we ever had 14 shootings in one day."
-- Washington is our Galapagos Islands: It is so insulated from
a changing world that species long extinct elsewhere not only
survive, but flourish.
-- Washington D.C. is a place where:
---. there are lots of mutinies but no desertions.
-- people doublecross their bridges when they come to them.
--- if you travel the high road of humility, you'll not run into
any traffic jams.
--- push never comes to shove.
--- nothing is ever "finally" resolved.
lying increases the closer you get to the top.
--- the Ship of State leaks from the top.
--- if you want a friend, you buy a dog.
--- if it weren't for the government, we would have nothing to
laugh about.
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NT: change for the sake of change produces learning.
- S: "what time is it?" N: "late"
- E: has tendency to "shoot from the lip"
E: gives ulcers; I: gets them.
- P makes lists then loses them; so J won't hold hi.m/her to it.
--J: Big flood. Boy on roof notices red hat going around the
house several times. Mom says, that's your father (a J), he said
he would cut the grass today come hell or high water.
-- SP: when all else fails, read the directions.
-- about test in general: It doesn't measure intellect or mental
stability. So, you can be both dumb and crazy and still do
alright.
- ABOUT LAWYERS:
-- to expect a lawyer not to lie is like expecting a ballerina
not to dance on her toes.
-- They are using lawyers instead of rats for laboratory tests
since: lawyers are more plentiful; lawyers will do things that
rats refuse to do; and lab assistants don't form emotional
attachments to lawyers.
-- It's so cold outside the lawyers have their hands in their own
pockets.
7,- Question: How do you know when it's time to watch out?
Answer: When their lips start to move.
-- a lawyer is a person who helps you get what's coming to him.
-- The difference between a dead possum or a dead lawyer lying in
the road is that the possum will have skid marks in front of it.
-- Two farmers claimed to own the same cow. While one pulled on
its head and the other pulled on its tail, the cow was milked by
the lawyer.
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A doberman pincher.
-- A fellow had an accident and decided to sue. He had to pick
one of the three to help him: an expensive lawyer, a cheap
lawyer, Santa Claus. He picked the expensive lawyer, because the
other two are figments of one's imagination.
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-- Chimpanzee politics: Applies to Congress and all primates.
-- There was .a robbery on Capitol Hill. One of the robbers was
6'7" with bright red hair, a polka dot shirt, baggy pants and
purple shoes. The other was 4'7" with green hair, a red nose,
striped pants and checked shirt and orange suspenders. Both wore
beanies with propellers on top. The police were in hot pursuit
until they reached the floor of the House of Representatives
where they bleed into the crowd and were lost.
-- Politics is the world's oldest profession; and it's less
reputable than the second oldest profession.
-- Americans have the finest Congress money can buy. (Twain)
-- There is no distinctly native American criminal class except
Congress. (Twain)
-- when politicians talk, they say nothing; nobody listens; and
then everyone disagrees. ? 4.
-- If pro is the opposite of con then progress is the opposite of
Congress.
-- Congress is very caught up in themselves. They spend lots of
time championing the righteous. They are the only group that
constantly looks for corruption and wrong doing finds
it diagnosis the problem incorrectly prescribes the wrong
method for fixing it and then stands around congratulating
themselves.
-- if you don't give politicians the right informaion, they
stM have the raw power to do it wrong.
Conservative politician: "My staff took up a collection to
buy me an artificial heart. Actually, I have the heart of a
liberal ... it's in a jar on my desk ... and it starts bleeding
every time I start talking about cutting government spending.
Meanwhile, I'm just trying to do the Lord's work in the devil's
city."
- ABOUT REPORTERS/NEWSMEN:
-- A reporter is someone who sits up in the hills and watches the
battle and then comes down later to kill the wounded.
-- Reporter's motto: comfort the afflicted and afflict the
comfortable.
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-- Industry doesn't make money when it deals with the USMC, but
it gets "psychic income."
-- Marines understand that you can get all dressed up and go to
fancy balls, but if it isn't the Corps Birthday, why bother?
-- When a marine comes to see a congressmen he comes_in slightly
late and a little flustered and let's you know he's'in a?'rush
because there's a fight in 11 minutes and he has to be there ...
and besides, he knows he wont get what he wants.
-- The Marines: where men are men ... and women are too.
- ABOUT US NAVY:
-- Naval officers send out a specific non-verbal message when
dealing with Congressmen: You are a lesser individual. I have
commanded at sea and had the lives of hundrercTh resting on my
decisions, and you haven't. You never had the opportunity to
grow so you don't understand. Therefore, just repeat after me
"600 ships, 600 ships."
-- Into the valley of death rode the 600 (ship navy, that is).
-- The Navy can't understand why the other services don't support
the 600 ship navy; after all, they support a 600 tank army and a
600 aircraft air force.
-- Navy doctrine: knob-ology.
-ABOUT US ARMY:
-- The army is at a disadvantage in dealing with Congress because
what it does is knowable. The army action officer tries to be
rational and honest and is therefore outmaneuvered by the other
service representatives.
-- I was in the Army once myself. I'm aware of the superior
intellectual level of the officer corps ... as compared to the LA
police department.
-- The Marines are looking for a few good men. The Army is
looking for a few good women too, thereby out-"foxing" the
Marines.
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SAYINGS OF FAMOUS/INFAMOUS FOLKS:
- BY/ABOUT WINSTON CHURCHILL:
-- Churchill moves away from prominent socialist at urinal in
men's room. "Something wrong?" asks the socialist. Churchill's
response: "Every time you see something big you want, to socialize
it."
-- Lady Astor: "If you were my husband I would poison you."
Churchill: "If I were your husband I would drink the poison."
--Churchill: "Would you go to bed with me for a million dollars?"
Lady Astor: "For a million dollars, yes."
Churchill: "Would you go to bed with me for five dollars?"
Lady Astor: "NO! What kind of woman do you think I am?"
Churchill: "We have already established what kind of woman you
are; we are now dickering over the price." ,
-- Churchill, when asked to give a short address, stood up, said
"Number 10 Downing Street" and sat down.
-ABOUT FDR:
-- Scarsdale business each AM gave newsboy a dollar for nickel
paper, looked at front page, frowned and handed it back. One day
boy asked what he was looking for. Man said he was checking
obituaries. But, they are on inside page, boy stated. Man
replies "For the SOB I'm looking for, it will be on page one."
-Y/ABOUT AL SMITH:
-- Smith was about to give a speech when a heckler shouted "Hey
Al, tell us all you know; it'll only take a minute." Smith
replied "I'll tell you what we both know; it won't take any
longer."
- BY/ABOUT HARRY TRUMAN:
- "I.sit here all day trying to persuade-people to do the things
they ought to have sense enough to do without my persuading
them."
-- "It's what you know after you know it all that counts."
-- Was called by someone's deputy to tell him that his immediate
boss had died. Then asked if he could take the deceased's place.
Truman: "If it's ok with the undertaker it's ok with me."
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-- After Dukakis compared himself with Harry Truman: "If he's
Harry Truman, I'm Roger Rabbit."
-- "When you're my age, everything brings back memories .. even
other memories."
-- "It's true that hard work never killed anybody, but I figured
why take a chance at this late age."
?
-- "I had hoped-we could mark the end of the dog-ate-my-homework
era of congressional budgetry, but it was not to be."
-- Ronald Reagan was not lazy ... he was just energy efficient.
- BY/ABOUT CASPAR WEINBURGER:
-- "If you plan to do with less, you will get even less than
less."
r0
-- on the lack of an overall strategic concept to direct defense
spending: "things are so bad it doesn't matter where the money
goes."
- BY/ABOUT GEORGE BUSH:
-- "I'm anti-bigotry, anti-poverty and anti-semitic."
-- when asked during a hunting trip about shooting animals:
"These aren't animals, these are wild quail" (or was that
Quayle).
- when asked about Alaska pipeline: "The caribou love it. They
nib up against it and they have babies. There are more caribou
in Alaska than you can shake a stick at."
"People say I'm indecisive, but I don't know about that."
Poor George, he can't help it. He was born with a silver foot
in his mouth.
If curiosity killed the cat, George Bush would live forever.
-- When George Bush and Ronald Reagan are alone in a room
together, what do they speak about? Or, do they both listen?
-- When Bob Dole says BUSH, he has other four letter words in
mind.
-- Last year they called him a wimp ... now he's so tough he
gargles with water from Boston Harbor.
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-- The FBI interviewed over 400 witnesses ... and that was just
the bartenders.
-- Tower was being questioned on ethics by a group of Senators
... talk about being judged by a jury of your peers!
-- He had a back-up job prepared
the Bud Light party animal.
- ABOUT JIM WRIGHT:
-- Two wrongs make a Wright.
... replacing Spuds McKenzie as
-- The bad news is that Qualye succeeds Bush. The worse news is
Jim Wright is (make that, was) next.
- ABOUT LES ASPIN:
-- What we need is less Aspin.
-- Will Rogers never met Les Aspin.
- BY/ABOUT HENRY KISSINGER:
????
-- "Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to
get me."
-- When asked if he was as smart as God: "I may not be as smart
as God is now, but I'm as smart as He was at my age."
Henry Kissinger gave a speech in London to a group of tailors
who in return gave him a piece of whole cloth. He went to
London's finest tailor to get a suit made and was told there was
only enough cloth for a coat. On his next stop, in Rome, he
visited an Italian tailor who told him there was only enough
cloth for a coat and vest. On his next stop, in Israel, a tailor
told him he could make Kissinger a suit with two pair of pants.
When Kissinger asked him how he could do this when they couldn't
elsewhere, the tailor replied "You're not that big in Israel."
-- Richard Nixon pointed out to Golda Mier that one thing they
had in common was that they both had Jewish Foreign Ministers.
"Yes," said Golda, "but mine speaks English."
- BY SENIOR 4-STARs:
-- "How did I get this job? I'm not sure, but I don't hold it
against anyone."
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OTHER COMMENTS OF NOTE
- It's a well-known fact that 87 percent of all people make up
their own statistics.
- It's like the well known game of life: you can't win, you can't
even break even, but you can't get out of the game ... you have
to play!
- It's like pulling up a plant to see how the roots are doing.
- It's like giving a lecture on papal fallibility to the Knights
of Columbus.
- That's as useful as persuading a one-man band to form a union.
- That's about as stupid as you can get without paying a
consultant to do it for you.
- Let's solve it the same way we invented itrrhetorically.
- Before you can decide what to do with your bucket of worms, you
need to decide if your goal is to enrich your garden, catch fish,
or make wormburgers.
- The only reason to jog is to hear heavy breathing (Bombeck)
- Wife's lament: If you really loved me, you would have married
someone else.
- NASA's lament: Why do we waste all this money dragging these
rockets to the Cape when we could blow them up at the factory.
-Parent's lament: They're not children, they're poisoned dwarfs.
- Grandparents and grandchildren have a good relationship because
they have a common enemy.
- Denial is not a river in Egypt.
- A pessimist is someone who when faced with two unpleasant
alternatives chooses both.
- Humility is not one of my faults, but if I had one that would
be it.
- The NSC staff is so busy that no one has time to think (or the
inclination to do so).
- Beware of bikini-clad FBI agents.
- Bald men don't waste their hormones growing hair.
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-- His instincts frequently get ahead of his judgments.
-- He has so many weaknesses that you sometimes overlook his
strengths.
-- He's turned morale around in his office. His workers used to
be depressed and miserable. Now, they're miserable and depressed.
-- The lights are on, but I'm-not sure anyone's home.
(Please note that in the interests of equal opportunity, it may
be entirely appropriate to substitute she/her for he/his in any
of the above comments.)
- other one-liners (from Framework Follies):
-- Known as incurable romantic; i.e., has developed immunity to
penicillin.
??
v..
-- Told his wife how was going to take out a home improvement
loan; she gave him $1,000 to move out.
-- Most useless (man-made) tool in men's locker room: Bard
O'Neill's hair blow-dryer.
-- Thinks the missionary position is better than no religion at
all.
-- His idea of a religious experience is opening a bottle of
Blue Nun.
-- ?Gave up sex for Lent and his wife didn't realize it until Good
Ffiday.
-- Best dancer on the faculty; described by all as "a little
light in his loafers."
-- A light drinker; when its light, he drinks.
-- Claims he drinks for research purposes. Discovered that the
difference between a dog and a fox is five martinis.
-- Career has picked up momentum ... which is what happens to
things when they are heading downhill.
-- He was turned down by the TV show Real People because he
didn't qualify.
-- He gives dullness a bad name.
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- Jesus approached a crowd that was just about to stone an
adulteress and said "Let he among you who is without sin cast the
first stone." The crowd put down their stones and quietly
departed. Jesus went to help the young woman up when suddenly a
rock brushed by him and hit the woman. Jesus turned and said
"Mother, sometimes you vex me greatly."
- On the fift4-day of the fifth month, a fellow who-likes to bet
on the horses woke up at 5 minutes to 5. He got to his office on
the fifth floor at 55 Main St 5 minutes early. Then his girl
friend called and told him to meet her at 5 in room 55 at the
local motel. Knowing an omen when he saw one, he went to the
race track and bet everything he had on horse #5 in the fifth
race, and sure enough, his horse came in fifth.
- Q: Is having children hereditary?
A: Well, if your parents didn't have any, the odds are you
won't either.
?
-Q: Are you stupid or just apathetic?
A: I don't know and I don't care.
- Q:How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only three, but the light bulb must want to change.
- Before sound bites: Four score and seven years ago ....
After sound bites: Read my lips: no slaves.
- A military officer was at a cocktail party when his glass eye
fell into his drink. Having had one too many, he didn't notice
and swallowed it. The next day he was feeling terrible and went
to,. the doctor. Doctor gave him physical. Told him to drop his
,:iousers and bend over. When the doctor went to look he saw an
*'eye staring back, causing the doctor to comment "look, for this
relationship to work, we have to trust one another."
- Then there was the farmer who complained to his congressman
about daylight savings because the long afternoons were burning
up his crops.
- Speaker 1: I plan to spend this evening with the political and
corporate powers that be -- the movers and shakers who hold the
future of America in their hands.
Speaker 2: You're going to Japan?
- MacArthur and Nimitz were on a ship together when it was
torpedoed and sunk. Both found themselves clinging to the same
log. Nimitz: "Please don't tell my sailors I can't swim."
MacArthur: "OK, if you don't tell my soldiers that I can't walk
on water."
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- Then there was the drunk who put a quarter in the parking meter
and exclaimed "My God, I've lost 60 pounds."
- A father received a letter from his daughter who had been away
at college for six months. The first pageread as follows:
"Dear Dad, remember that neat sports car you bought me? Well,
I've had an accident and totally destroyed it. The accident also
knocked out all my teeth that you just finished paying to have
capped. But, in.the ambulance on the way to the -hdapital I meet
a great guy. II-?as long hair, an earring, is an ex-convict with
several children, and, if the tests come back positive, we will
soon be married." The second page started out "None of this is
true. Actually, I just got an F in microbiology, and I wanted to
put it all in perspective."
- The Army has improved so much; the discipline is the best it
has ever been. I was at the Pentagon's Operations Center last
year and was ask to analyze some data to predict war in the
future. I asked the computer "Will there be war or peace in the
future?" The computer answered "Yes." I &Aid "yes what?" and
the computer said "Yes, Sir."
- The Pope was advised not to speak to the crowd that gathered at
the Vatican because 80 percent were gay militants there to
protest the Vatican position on the issue. The Pope insisted
that he could speak to them on terms they would understand. He
began his address with "Tutti homani, tutti domani, tutti
fruiti."
- The Commanding General of the 82nd Airborne Division always
returned salutes with great enthusiasm but he would always end
his salute with "same to you". Asked one day why he did this, he
replied "I was an enlisted man for ten years and was required to
render salutes to senior officers. I knew then what I was
',really thinking as I saluted and I know today what they are
thinking."
- My wife and I were sexually compatible for the first time in
several weeks we both had headaches.
- Machiavelli was on his death bed and the priest came in and
tried to convince him that it would be wise at this point in his
life to denounce Satin. With his last breath, Machiavelli said
"Father, this is hardly the time to make new enemies."
- When Moses came down from the mountain he announced to the
crowd that he had some good news and some bad news. The good
news was "I got him down to only 10 Commandments." The bad news
was "He hung tough on adultery."
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USEFUL PHRASES T KNOW
WHEN TRAVELING IN
SLEM AREAS
? ? .
?.
AKBAR 1